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Well, about an hour before midnight last night, someone i wish would never even think of me, decided to congratulate me on the fact that it was my expected due date; Had I not rid myself of his child. Man, I know i did what i needed to do given the circumstances of how i ended up pregnate by him...But, it crushed me; Reminded me just how bad i truly feel due to my miscarriage a few weeks ago. With Joe, I wanted nothing to do with him; He stole everything in me; He took advantage me; and he really finds it funny. But, this time, even though I was reckless in my coping mechanisms; truly wanted this child...4 1/2 months. I even picked out a name...

I guess I was managing to surpress those feelings that make me feel dead inside because I have immediate problems and situations that require all of my attention...But that fucking Ass hole, felt the need to remind me of all these horrible things that have occured this year.

I am a fuck up. No doubt in my mind. But, this year, i truly tried over and over to put my best foot forward. And, luckily so far, after all the intense occurinces since Aug. 31, I appear to be stepping on the right path...I am stepping small steps on a clean and clear path. I've never attempted to clear my head of any and all fog elements; people and or substances...and I am making progress. Slowly but its edvident... and yes, i know this is so new to me that there is plenty of oppurtunty fo rme to fuck this up

i dont know i hate joe and tom. i hope they get what they deserve

Okay, now we have color!
New job is good, maybe great. We were told not mention the place on blogs, myspace, etc. People from the company look for negative stuff. Not allowed to say anything negative in public, can get fired if it gets back.
Same feelings, some people are too bossy. Too many know it alls.
Need some sleep. Hope Thanksgiving goes smoothly.

J*10

a*1

m*13

e*5

s*19

A*1

l*12

e*5

x*24

a*1

n*14

d*4

e*5

r*18

M*13

a*1

l*12

c*3

o*15

l*12

m*13

M*13

a*1

c*3

k*11

e*5

n*14

z*26

i*9

e*5

F*6

r*18

a*1

s*19

e*5

r*18

James*48

Alexander*84

Malcolm*69

Mackenzie*87

Fraser*67

James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser*355=13=4

A few years ago I had a nightmare. I still remember it. It was about I was running away from my apartment. I was running to the store. Then these strangers kept chasing me. I ran all the way home, but when I got there no was home my sister wasn't there and my mom and dad weren't there either. Then I woke up and I was so relieved that it was a dream. It might not sound scary but when I had that dream it was terrifying!!! 2 years later I just get better dreams. I lived happily with my family.